Showering the Bride

Great outfit!!

In my family, we have a prospective Bride. This is of course very exciting (especially for the prospective Groom, I’m sure) but it has also provoked lots of dinner-table (and cafe table and lunch table and pub drinks) discussions about wedding traditions and rituals. One interesting one that took centre stage recently was that of the “Bridal Shower”.

And it was so totally a SURPRISE!

According to Wikipedia, historically the whole point of a Bridal Shower was to “shower” the bride with gifts, a custom arising from that of the dowry, perhaps where a poor bride had no dowry, or her mean father wouldn’t provide one because he disapproved of the groom. The gifts at the original Bridal Showers were intended to help the wedding actually go ahead, rather than to provide gifts for the the Bride in her new married life. 

There is also some suggestion that the practice is related to filling the prospective Bride’s excitingly-named “Hope Chest” -- that receptacle in which Brides used to keep all those little odds and ends with which they planned to set up their prospective home, often gathered far in advance of the appearance of the prospective Groom. As the Girls Scouts might say, “Be Prepared”. 

And what, I hear you ask, of the “Kitchen Tea”? This is a closely-related event, just like a Bridal Shower, but with the focus on helping to adequately equip the Bride’s kitchen. The Bridal Shower should also not be confused with the ‘Hen’s Night’ or ‘Bachelorette Party’, an idea stolen from the boys and an occasion for drinking, carousing, skinny-dipping and loads of tasteless sexual innuendo. That’s later. Then there are “Baby Showers” -- but that is getting waaaay ahead of ourselves.....

The Bridal Shower is principally an anglophone Western tradition. Its roots go back a couple of centuries in the dowry-related rituals, but in its modern form the Bridal Shower can be traced to the USA in around the 1890s. The term “shower” may derive from the custom in Victorian times for the presents to be put inside a parasol, which when opened would "shower" the Bride-to-Be with gifts. (Cute idea, girls - we missed a trick there).

Bridesmaids and The Spread

For the "First Fight"?

The hostesses for the Bridal Shower are usually close girlfriends of the Bride, most usually the Bridesmaids - this was so at our recent Bridal Shower, and an excellent job they did too. Wikipedia says that mothers, sisters, and other close family members should not host Bridal Showers, as it is rude and greedy for the family to ask for gifts for their own members. Ho!

As a psychological analysis, you might be interested to know that sociologists like Beth Montemurro write that the ritual of the Bridal Shower "socializes women into the hyper-feminized traditional wife role," with its emphasis on the future role of the Bride-to-Be as family cook, homemaker, and sexual partner.” (But there was no funny stuff at our Shower, I swear it.) In some immigrant communities in Canada, Bridal Showers have been held in community halls with up to 300 guests. In the UK showers are considered to be a “consumerist American Idea” and everyone prefers that you stick to the gift list and have the shop deliver your present, thank you very much.

Our Shower reflected these traditions only in the loosest sense. Yes, folks, we’ve certainly moved on from all that kitchen/dowry stuff -- now we dress the Bride in toilet paper and even invite the Groom (albeit present only on video). Today’s Bridal Shower is a fun occasion for the females of the Bride’s circle to congratulate her, roast her, toast her and send her on her way with a glossy cookbook and plenty of good wine.

How darling!

In addition to the interesting idea of constructing a wedding dress entirely from toilet paper (and I’m not going to provide a psychological analysis of that one) our Bridesmaids also came through with some thought-provoking games: quizzes on wedding related themes, with everyone’s favourite being “How Well Do You Know The Groom?” I am pleased to report that the Bride and the Groom’s Mother scored equal points on that one. The answers were given straight from the horse’s - er, Groom’s - mouth, via pre-recorded video, bringing the Lucky Man right into the lounge room with us. We all waited with bated breath, our answer sheets in one hand and our champagne glasses in the other, for the answer to the question “What does the Groom love most about his Bride?” The answer (I know you are wondering) was something called “foot attack”. (Yes, I’m still wondering too). The Bride had answered “everything”. We paid that one.



What IS that about?

There were sweet video messages from one absent bridesmaid, bottles of wine carefully selected for various occasions in the Couple’s future married life, e.g. First Anniversary, First Pregnancy Announcement - non-alcoholic of course - and First Fight (oops! was there one for ‘First Fight’? If not, there should have been).

Refreshments included the aforementioned champagne (of which the Bride drank far too much), pastel-iced lamingtons (an idea whose time has come), cupcakes, sweets...you get the picture. Alcohol, sugar, games, women -- I bet you wish you were there.

The Youngest Guest

We even had a baby boy present (you see what happens when you get married?), although when someone took his photo wearing a pink fluffy bridal tiara and mailed it to his father, there was a stern reply requesting that the child be removed from our company forthwith and restored to the manly bosom of his dad at the pub.

We all wrote some words of wisdom in a little book, so that the Bride could consult it once she was sober. I reminded her to always order the souffle if one is on offer. Others had more serious words to say. When I finally left the party, everyone was sitting on the floor, surrounded by shredded toilet paper, talking earnestly and drunkenly about their childhoods. In all, a very successful Bridal Shower which can only bode well for the Future Couple. Congratulations Sophie & Dan!

Do you want to look like a meringue?

You have to at least try it...(Wendy Makin Design)

 A trip to a wedding dress shop with a bride-to-be – such as that I enjoyed today - raises a lot of interesting questions about taste, tradition, aesthetics, history and superstition.  Oh, and princesses.

Victoria and her Albert 1840

The tradition of the white wedding dress actually only dates back until 1840 and the wedding of that trend-setter in so many things, Queen Victoria. She wore white silk and Honiton lace for her marriage to Albert, because she had a piece of white lace she wanted to incorporate into her dress. Her train measured eighteen feet in length and her dress was trimmed with orange blossoms. Many people will tell you that white is the virginal colour of purity, but in fact blue was generally considered to play this role, being associated with the Virgin Mary. Many brides chose to wear blue, up until Queen Vic set the trend. Blue is still popular – note its frequent use as the stone in engagement rings – and the superstition of the bride wearing “something blue”. Brides who wore blue believed their husbands would always be true to them, so even if their gown itself was not blue, they would be sure to wear something blue about their person. Queen Victoria was the first royal bride to have bridesmaids to carry her train too, which also set a fashion.

These days, white is considered ‘traditional’, but is by no means compulsory. But brides-to-be might want to take note of the old rhyme:

Married in white, you will have chosen all right.

Married in grey, you will go far away.

Married in black, you will wish yourself back.

Married in red, you’ll wish yourself dead.

Married in blue, you will always be true.

Married in pearl, you’ll live in a whirl.

Married in green, ashamed to be se.,

Married in yellow, ashamed of the fellow.

Married in brown, you’ll live out of town.

Married in pink, your fortunes will sink.

Interestingly, (for those who hadn’t heard this rhyme, at least) pink was once a popular colour, considered most suitable for a May wedding. It is flattering to most complexions and associated with girlhood, but some superstitions held it to be unlucky. Red was definitely taboo by Victorian times, with its reference to scarlet women and hussies.

Amongst the unpopular shades was green. This was considered the fairies' colour, and it was bad luck to call the attention of the little folk to oneself during a time of transition. It was also linked with the lushness of verdant foliage, and so risking rain spoiling the big day.

The bright shade of yellow has had varied popularity. In the eighteenth century it was THE trendy colour for a while, and many wore it, but before that time it had been associated with heathens and was considered an unholy shade to wear in church.

These colour superstitions belong to the Western Judeo-Christian tradition, of course. In China red has long been the rage, and I hear that black was big in Scandinavia for a while.

Vintage pretty - Wendy Makin Design

Centuries ago a marriage was more than just a union of two people; it was more generally a union of two families, even two communities, and sometimes two countries. The bride would be expected to be a symbol of her family’s pride, social standing and possibly wealth.  To this end they used as much costly material as they possibly could, such as velvet, damask silk, satin, fur and fabrics woven with gold and silver thread. The skirts would be gathered and full, the sleeves would sweep the floor and trains would fall behind to a length of several metres. The dress might be sewn with precious gems - diamonds, rubies, sapphires, emeralds and pearls - so the bride would glitter and flash in the sunlight. In the fifteenth century when Margaret of Flanders was married, the result was so heavy that she could not move in her robes and had to be carried into the church by two gentlemen attendants.

In the nineteenth century, even a bride who wore white would expect to wear her dress again. For the season of her ‘bride visits’ when she would do the rounds of family, friends and acquaintances as a newly married woman, she would wear her bridal gown, with the train and flowers removed. A higher class bride would then adapt the bodice of the outfit (which was often made separately) and re-trim it for evening wear for another season. Queen Victoria herself removed the lace overskirt from her dress and frequently used it again - she wore it over a black silk gown for her Diamond Jubilee celebrations over 50 years later (which is perhaps taking sentimentality too far).

Princess Grace of Monaco 1956

In the 1920s wedding dresses were in the style of the moment, reflecting the slim-line flapper dresses and cloche hats of the era. When Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon (later the ‘Queen Mother’) married HRH the Duke of York in 1923, the ceremony took place in Westminster Abbey, and the bridal gown was the traditional full length, with a court train behind. Current fashion was followed in the dropped waist and generally unshaped bodice, and in the way the head-dress was worn low over the brow, clasping the veil to the bride's head in a way that echoed the cloche hat every woman was wearing then. The style was described in the contemporary press as "medieval", but was really very trendy, except for the length. She chose a traditional bouquet (which does not appear in her official photographs as she laid it at the tomb of the Unknown Warrior on her way out of the Abbey, in memory of her brothers, and others killed in the War) but many brides emphasised the medieval effect by carrying sheaves of white lilies. 

When WWII hit, clothes were rationed, uniforms were ubiquitous, and frivolity was frowned upon.  Servicemen and women married in their uniforms, and generally everyone made do with something practical, for reasons of patriotism – and rationing. When fashion was allowed come back, everyone was keen to wear long gowns in luxurious fabrics on their wedding day, despite – or perhaps because of - the ever increasing popularity of casual, easy-wear clothing and trousers for women in daily life. As fashion has become more relaxed and sporty, so wedding styles have diverged more. Although each decade's brides are easily distinguished by the styles then in vogue, it is not because of that style's resemblance to general fashion.

I can't believe I'm posting this photo - but look at the sleeves!
1978

Sleeves were the big feature of seventies dresses (when your blushing blogger was married – and yes, since you ask, the dress did have the big sleeves). After twenty years of tight sleeves cut to a point over the hand, Princess Anne led the way with her extravagant Tudor sleeved wedding gown, and the brides of this decade followed suit with sleeve styles culled from every era. Yeah, we just went wild.

If Princess Anne's wedding dress influenced the seventies bride, the Princess of Wales' extravagant skirt and huge sleeves proved the style icon of the 1980's. After the restrained outlines of the previous decade, every bride now wanted a fairytale crinoline and tiara. Waistlines had already returned to their natural position. After Diana's dress, everyone had full skirts gathered to the waist, and big sleeves to the elbow, with flounces and bows and lace embellishments. There was a surge in popularity for taffeta and silk. Her flowers also signalled a return of the big bouquet, with trailing greenery.

Lady Di sets the 80s trend

Then once you have decided on the dress itself, there is of course the good luck rhyme that every bride will hear at some point: she should wear ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue’.  Old: the family link over generations; New: a bright and happy future for the couple being married; Borrowed: showing that the couple will receive support from family and friends around them not only on the day but in the future; Blue: the colour linked to purity, loyalty and faithfulness.

There are also some traditions that, thankfully, are not around today.  One such tradition was for guests to break off a piece of the bride's dress which they then kept for good luck. However, in Germany I’m told that it is still a modern tradition for the bride's veil to be ripped apart and the guests will keep the fabric they have collected.

And if you do decide to go for white? You will need to choose ‘the right shade’ of white; something to go with your skin tone, or your tan. Hmmm...here's some advice on this tricky question.

Still don’t know if you want to look like a meringue? Check these '20 Iconic Brides' for inspiration. Personally, I like the deep blue number worn by Burlesque queen Dita Von Teese in 2005.

Now THAT'S a wedding dress.

The white dress photos are from Wendy Makin Design.

Wendy Makin Design

And did you know that you have to order about six months ahead for these Pronovias gowns from Barcelona? For some reason Barcelona seems to be the fount of all wedding gowns at the moment. Look at this one from Aire Barcelona. Now that's a meringue.

Aire Barcelona

Shop till you drop....

Info and pics from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_dress

http://www.fromtimespast.com/wedding.htm

http://www.dressfinder.com/history-wedding-dresses/

http://www.weddingchaos.co.uk/BridesArea/history-of-the-wedding-dress.asp

http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/History_of_the_Wedding_Dress

A Sydney Summer's Day

Sydney Harbour

With the fickleness for which weather is renowned, this late December day in Sydney featured dark clouds, rain and a chilly nip in the air. But this didn't daunt the Wedding Venue Investigators, who made their way to their rendevous at The Tea Room at Gunners' Barracks on beautiful George's Head overlooking Sydney Harbour.

The Tea Room at Gunners' Barracks

The Barracks, now wonderfully restored, is part of the Middle Head Fortifications, built between 1870 and 1911. Apart from the sandstone barracks building, the old gun emplacements can be seen in the headland, all now heritage listed. The fortifications here date from the time when defence of the colony was moved away from Sydney Cove and towards the Harbour Heads. The network of 'outer harbour' defences was designed to fire on any enemy ships that might infiltrate the harbour through Sydney Heads, and occupied commanding positions with wide views of the harbour and heads. According to Wikipedia:

The whole area is linked by an extensive network of underground tunnels, ancillary rooms, a gunpowder magazine and a disappearing gun emplacement. The site also has its own underground power room that is supported by iron columns. The Gunners Barracks were built from sandstone quarried on site and still exist to this day; they are located on Middle Head concealed in bushland. Underground tunnels and rooms were used to train some of Australia's first troops that were sent to Vietnam in 'Code of Conduct' courses (lessons in how to withstand torture and interrogation) by simulating prisoner of war conditions. In 1974 the Middle Head fortifications featured in the movie 'Stone'.

Sandstone Courtyard, Gunners' Barracks

The Terrace

Today the restored Barracks provides a lovely venue for high tea - which our small team of Investigators enjoyed immensely - and a spectacularly sited venue for weddings. The great sandstone fortification wall still exists, backing a lawned terrace overlooking the harbour. The views back to the city skyline and out towards Sydney Heads would be hard to beat anywhere in the world. Inside, the building exudes Edwardian times, and a lovely sheltered sandstone courtyard awaits the new bride & groom and their guests. The Investigators were sold.

A quintessentially Sydney view

City skyline (on a rainy day)

In 1788, the Surgeon-General on the First Fleet reported:

"Port Jackson, I believe to be, without exception, the finest and most extensive harbour in the universe, and at the same time the most secure..."

He was clearly moved to the point of exaggeration ("in the universe"?) but looking from George's Head over the wonderful harbour, you can appreciate his enthusiasm.

'The Wedding Venue Investigators', great team work showing

Swimsuit shopping - not for the faint-hearted

Mission Accomplished, the Wedding Venue Investigators downed tea cups and went their separate ways, in the case of Sophie and me, to the mall. Here, braving the post-Christmas hordes, we discovered the wonder of The Sales, latching onto several bargains and learning why people do this. I even managed to successfully complete that most unwelcome summer chore: swimsuit shopping. Eventually, finding that the shops were closing around us, we decided it was dinner time and went off to Garfish in Crow's Nest to enjoy Barramundi, a fishy delicacy I had missed in London. In my humble opinion, this is one of the best fish restaurants anywhere, and barra is just about THE best fish variety. Garfish takes it's fish very seriously:

Garfish Restaurants recognise the critical need to source premium seafoods from around Australia and New Zealand as directly as possible. In an effort to secure the freshest seafood and achieve greater variety and selection, Garfish Restaurants have developed and implemented an in-house seafood supply and processing facility on Sydney’s northern beaches, called Fish Source. It allows Garfish Restaurants a permanent presence and a closer relationship with the ‘Sydney Fish Market Authority’ Auction Floor, a wider exposure to product acquired by wholesalers and individual producers from Australia and New Zealand.

Utilising the resources of an ‘expert’ professional seafood buyer with over 15 years experience and the additional capacity of processing our own seafood has given Garfish Restaurants, greater quality control and an exhaustive variety of fresh seasonal seafood. Having this control of our seafood product, right through from the purchasing, processing and eventually the delivery gives us added assurance that we are delivering the freshest possible product to our restaurants and ultimately to our customers.

We believe strongly in introducing new species to the dining public and make a concerted effort to seek out under-utilised product that many wholesalers overlook. We hope this practise will broaden the consumer’s appetite for fish and assist in spreading the demand thereby increasing the fish resources of premium species. This ‘specialist’ designed program assists Garfish Restaurants In securing the best possible product. For our guest it means fresher fish and greater variety to enjoy all year round.

Barramundi

Barramundi is an iconic fish in Australia, revered as THE best. It is regarded as quintessentially Australian, its name deriving from an Aboriginal word, but in fact it is fished and eaten throughout South East Asia, sometimes under other names. It has moist, white flaky flesh when cooked and is - I guarantee - absolutely delicious. I was very content to make its re-acquaintance.


A very Sydney day, despite the lower temperatures.

Big Night on the Harbour

The B & G

That's Sydney harbour. 29 degree warmth today - culture shock for me, business as usual for Sydney. Slept only fitfully after the excitement and time change of the long haul flight, up at sparrow's twit, bright a as a bean. Out onto the streets of Cremorne to seek the local press and a coffee. Found both unchanged - excellent coffee, depressing news about the state government, up to the usual shenanigans. Is there a single soul left who is likely to vote for them next year? And I'm from their side of the political fence. All faith lost...As I said, business as usual in Sydney.

Spent the day with the delightful Miss Pandora, who showed me some interesting interpretive dance routines she is working on, and sometimes allowed me to take some pictures of her.

After the warm day and the jet lag, off to Aria Restaurant on the beautiful Sydney harbourside to celebrate the engagement of Sophie and Dan - a family party, with a test run for Team Bridal, a.k.a. the Wedding Party. The Hungarian/Australian/Tasmanian merger is progressing well. Congratulations Sophie & Dan!

Considering the jet-lagged state of my brain, this post will be short. Normal service will be resumed once I manage to sleep.

Flowers for the Bride-to-Be

BIG NEWS!

The Top News of the Day: Sophie and Dan announce their engagement! I am too excited to bring you any other minor chit chat: this news deserves a blog post of its own.

Daniel and Sophie xxxx

There I was, sleeping soundly somewhere in the Basque Country, having eaten a wonderful lunch followed by a wonderful dinner, when the 2.30 am telephone call came: eek! Was it bad news? Fortunately, before my sleepy mind had had a chance to formulate any opinion, Sophie was on the line, sounding very happy. "Hi Mum - I didn't wake you, did I?" "Oh, no..that's fine. It's just a leeeetle early in the morning, that's all..." "Mum, I just rang to tell you....that Dan and I are engaged!" A speechless moment and lots of congratulations later, we decided to discuss it all at a better hour, and I rang off with far too little information about this highly exciting development.

The Happy Couple

Congratulations to a lovely couple - and CAN'T WAIT to hear all about the proposal, the plans and  - of course - the dress! Lots of fun ahead planning the wedding; plus I am sure that the new Hungarian side of the family will use their considerable skills in throwing a good party to great advantage. Welcome to our family, Kata, Rita, Eva and everyone else from what we will now think of as the Hungarian Branch. Üdvözöljük (is that right??)

Nyaralás Magyarországon

Well, a long and detailed Skype conversation is needed soonest. I have heard - though I am a novice in this department  - that mothers of brides are allowed a certain say on these occasions, and if so, I wish to exercise my right to thoroughly interfere...er, I mean contribute...to the planning of the Event of the Century. 


Congratulations again, Sophie & Dan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Champagne for the occasion

All photos shamelessly stolen from Sophie's Face Book page.